I was studying in Hong Kong when my family decided to visit me one weekend. My mum had a friend who was a student at a seminary there and he invited all of us over to his parish for lunch one afternoon. It was our first time visiting a community of Catholics, of priests-to-be, and we, not being of the same persuasion, were excited at the opportunity to join them for a meal.
When it was time for lunch (as signalled by a bell!), we moved from the living area to the dining space, took our seats as per local Singaporean custom, and waited for the rest of the brothers to gather.
Uh-oh.
We had unknowingly committed a faux-pas.
It turned out that it was customary for them to stand around the table first, and have the Father recite a short prayer of blessing before they commenced the meal. We rose from our seats with nary a blush, and joined them in the proceedings. I took this picture discreetly as we were hitherto unexposed to this convention.
That's me in the mirror!
As we tucked in, I noticed that the Friar, from Italy, seemed a little glum. Did he miss his hometown? Was he yearning for genuine Sicilian fare, for something more? Or was he just not used to the presence of a multi-generation family from this part of the world?
It turned out, for the second time that hour, that there was an unspoken order to things. “We usually partake of the soup first, but you can do it your way,” the Fr. said.
I guess my mum might have been too eager to serve my grandmother (to the right of the picture above) and was unaware of his expression. Although it was a very very small matter, almost imperceptible in light of the fairly good company and conversation, I picked up the cue from our host and learnt something that day. That is, one could afford to be sensitive to social cues, and yet maintain a humorous disposition in the event of such etiquette 'errors'.
All in all, we had an enjoyable time (it being my first home-cooked fare in four weeks, and in a less crowded space, with the people I cherished).
We went shopping afterwards.
The proceedings at the dinner table- or in this case, lunch. I have heard stories, read story books where the routine at the dinner table is rigid, but I've never actually experienced one first hand. From the pictures, it is obvious that the Friar is very displeased. Not only that there was lack of cultural understanding, but perhaps that culture was not communicated to the rest of the group. This example is a clear sign of lack of identifying the culture, as well as a lack of communication between the Friar and the others.
ReplyDeleteHi lance. Thank you for your comment.
ReplyDeleteIt was quite an interesting experience altogether - that there were some minor cultural grazes didn't make the encounter any less valuable.
You are quite right, I think that my mother's friend could have been a bit more vocal about conveying/explaining their custom. But he seemed rather shy... (or perhaps he assumed we were familiar with their practices?)
haha, on the contrary, I think we identified with the culture! The love of hearty food, like the moon, is one thing we share even with those of a disparate land.
See ya in class tomorrow!
Excellent description of the lunch and varying norms, Dave! I appreciate your fine narrative style and the penchant for detail. You've also added the photographs, which brings the scenario further to life. A pleasure to read and view! Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI think Friar was quite nice (though he may look glum), he expressed his culture of having a particular order but he also says that you can do it your way.
ReplyDeleteThis shows that he understands that you have a different culture and he most probably didn’t mind.
I don’t know his tone, but from what I read, he did it quite courteously.
I love the fact that even though the cultural norms were "violated", the Fr. displayed patience in not making any rude comments(albeit with a sour face). There's so much to take from this story, about patience, understanding, "testing the water first" and picking up visual ques.Thanks Dave!
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